And apparently there?s a story somewhere in there about the System and saving the universe. The game, in reality: It?s a hardcore (as explained by the fine folks at Destructoid) vertical shoot-em-up where your goal is to survive against some maniacally evil AI. The game, according to the cover art: There?s a ship that shoots things?and has radar?and some optical illusions maybe? If you start looking at the image from the top down, you?re screwed. I also worry this is a fairy tale told by Michael Jackson to his young visitors to the Neverland Ranch. I?m more concerned with the fact that a parent would not only let their child hang out with a semen monster, but this semen monster likes jellybeans and said boy is the only one who can save the semen monster?s home planet/dimension. My first thought was, ?Who the fuck is David Crane? After Googling him, I know that he created Pitfall, but I still don?t care. The game, in reality: A side-scrolling platformer where you feed a semen monster named Bobert. The game, according to the cover art: A raucous adventure starring a wide-eyed boy and his creamy, gooey?yet hard?milky white blob pal get into mischief. It has that cool NES style thing where most of the box art is just a black void, so that does reduce its weirdness a bit. Holy shit, even knowing what this game is about and seeing the fish dude in action, I?m still not sure what?s going on with this cover. It?s kinda like Pac-Man, but totally fucking whack. The game, in reality: It?s a puzzle/maze game where the player is a fish and has to find gold. There?s no fucking way any sane human could guess as to what this game could be by looking at the cover art. The game, according to the cover art: Undecided. Aside from the, ya know, bombs, there?s no real correlation between the game and the cover art. Seriously, you just firebomb the shit out of those 8-bit levels. The game, in reality: A puzzle-y game with lots of explosions. The game, according to the cover art: An explosion-fest maybe mixed with some sort of future football-type game. This could?ve been a simple footnote in silly NES covers but god damn that is one fucked up completely abysmal hack-job swipe of H.R. It worked pretty well in the arcade, but was utter shit on NES. If the creatures aren?t killed, they turn into bigger, meaner, more lizard-like beasts) whereupon players battle the alien Xenos from different levels and violence happens. The game, in reality: Well?kind of Alien: The Videogame, albeit a horrible, horrible ripoff of the Alien concept (Little creatures hatch from eggs and attack by latching onto players. The game, according to the cover art: Alien: The Videogame!